Matthew 5:27 ‘You have heard that it was said, Do not commit adultery. But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman LUSTFULLY has already committed adultery with her in his heart.

Let me start here with a true story. Many years ago, when I was a baby Christian, there was a couple who I really admired and looked up to. From outside, their marriage looked so beautiful and genuine and of course, naturally I wanted to have what they had; A marriage built on love, tenderness and a quiet respect. Then one day, my innocence was brutally violated when I found out that he, the husband was having an affair with his wife’s best friend. For days and weeks, I pondered as my heart ached if to tell her what I knew or not. Without the courage to face her, I cut and ran. Oh…you have to forgive me…but that’s what I did! Hoping against hope, I prayed privately for their marriage to find a common ground for healing and restoration but it was never to be. Many years down the road, the marriage came to an END, a very painful end!

And while I still have no answer to the question if I should have intervened then or not, I know that Jesus did intervene in the issue of INFIDELITY. No…he did not give us a foundation for divorce or how we should deal with others infidelity…but rather, when He spoke about adultery, He was addressing the married couples. You see, until you are married…or you are single dealing with a married person, you might not think much about infidelity. INFIDELITY in marriage as Jesus puts it, starts not as we know it…that is, the actual bed act…but rather with A LOOK….yes, THAT LOOK!

We all know THAT LOOK. The look that says you are captivating, mysterious or desirable. Its a look that makes one uncomfortable even though words have not been spoken. On one hand, one might enjoy being admired by someone who is not your spouse…but the truth is…THE LOOK OF LUST…does not in the least admire you…no, it always sees you as a means to an end. That look is not seeking for your good…but to satisfy its own carnal desires. For a time, it might even feel right….but ultimately…it leads only to destruction.

Proverbs 7:25-26 Do not LUST In YOUR HEART after her beauty, or let her CAPTIVATE YOU WITH HER EYES, for the prostitute reduces you to a loaf of bread, and the adulteress preys upon your VERY LIFE.

For a marriage to strive and thrive, there is always a need to keep up in step with each other. Because, if you loose the rhythm and heartbeat of your marriage…the little foxes will enter in.

Song of Songs 2:15 Catch for us the foxes, the little foxes that RUIN the vineyards, OUR VINEYARDS THAT ARE IN BLOOM.

To the married ones and the ones who are waiting for a godly mate out there:

Hebrews 13:4 Marriage should be honored by all, and the MARRIAGE BED KEPT PURE, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral.

Are you guarding your marriage and your marriage bed? Is that look suggesting more than is necessary?


  1. So much here; so much I can personally testify to. Also, so many feelings when it comes to our well-meaning words about “divorce.” It strikes a chord with me (as I am divorced and re-married). We must be careful with our labeling of sin, and it hurts my heart when I read proclamations that might declare me as “less than” because of my past sin. It’s taken me a lot of years to get to the place of loving myself through God’s eyes and to receiving his grace and the truth of Romans 8.

    For what it’s worth, I’m just entering all of this from the other side of the equation, and I want others who have tasted the “forbidden fruit” to know that there is grace and love and fruitful living and ministry to be tasted on the other side of a surrendered heart to the cross.

    Just some thoughts I’m feeling…


  2. Dear Gladwell, Thank you so much for sharing about guarding our hearts and our marriages today. It reminds me of Jim’s post a few days back. And Gladwell, if you have time and the desire, there is another blog you might want to just look at sometime (Sarah Markley – the Best Days Of My Life). In it she shares her own story of infidelity, which is heartbreaking, but then the story of redemption . . .it’s so beautiful. I cried! God bless you! deb

  3. Gladwell
    This is a difficult topic to write on considering the audience and I applaud you for having the courage to pen your thoughts. I agree with you about ‘the look’ but I believe that is the symptom of a deep seated issue. I pray each day for my marriage that God will help me love and respect my wife the way He loves his church and for protection as this is an area of weakness for us humans. Strain in marriages can cause partners to stray in search of acceptance and that is the physical step you described. Thank you for being bold and raising the awareness about something so integral to our Christian walk.

    • Vineet,

      We all learn through our own or others mistakes. I believe…it well worth it to deal with the symptoms than ending up dealing with the full blown issues. That is and was the reason for the writing this article. In life…I have seen a bit of what all this can lead to. Thank you and God bless.


  4. Gladwell,
    You always post such powerful messages, this one very powerful. Lust is the doorway for the tempter to enter our heart and make what is pure to be unpure. Lust is also every man and womans enemy. I have seen what you have seen, and it breaks the heart. I pray daily that when faced with THAT LOOK, I will choose not to linger, but to know its danger and move on. God Bless sister

    • Jim,

      Yes…God wants and desires for us to guard our marriages with godly vigor…like He does guard our salvation against the preys of the enemy. In any case, we are first and foremost…betrothed to God who wants a bride without blame or blemish. Thank you for sharing!



  5. Gladwell – I can’t imagine how you felt, facing your friend. Your post reminds me how thankful I am for a husband who has always been faithful and who I trust completely. What a blessing he is! –Godspeed, Elizabeth

    • Elizabeth,

      It was difficult…not only facing her knowing what her husband was up to but also the fact I was also too young in my Christian journey and of course lacked the wisdom to deal with my own shock as well. But…unfortunately, these things happen even among the body of Christ. I thank God that you have still have a testimony that God is faithful…even in your marriage!

      God bless you!


  6. Hi Gladwell,

    Can I link to your post on my blog? Brilliant post, so succinctly put, clear and Biblically backed.

    Adultery (the act of going from the lust of the eyes to the act of sin) is the only Godly reason to divorce (Jesus says in Matthew 5: 31-32 “It has been said, ‘Anyone who divorces his wife must give her a certificate of divorce.’ But I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for marital unfaithfulness, causes her to become an adulteress, and anyone who marries the divorced woman commits adultery.”). Given this admission from Jesus, it is clear that God hates sexual immorality and sexual sin (as should we!). In Old Testament God so often refers to Israel as His adulterous bride, nation, people, etc. God has no tolerance for sexual immorality and adultery (adultery in our hearts and in our actions), therefore we MUST be the same! We must be as we believe and not only as we say!

    Much love to you, as always, your beloved sister,

    • Gina,

      Thank you…for that beautiful addition. Yes…even though I know that one can divorce on the grounds of marital unfaithfulness, I would rather not go down that line…because I desire not to give anyone justifiable ground to leave their spouse. My article was meant for those of us…who are married/unmarried about guarding against infidelity. And yes, go ahead and link my post on your blog.

      God bless you and hope things are pulling well for you two!



      • Hi Gladwell, (HUGS!)

        I completely agree with you – divorce is NOT a road I would like to travel; and like you, I will do everything (through Christ) to keep me pure and faithful. I really have to say that I love Markus so much that I have no fear that I would be tempted by another. I pray this will be my philosophy through my entire life with God’s help! Markus and I strive to be sexually pure while we are as yet unmarried, and we have been able to do this with the help of Christ as our focus and as our example. We believe this period, for us, of sexual purity brings us CLOSER to one another (and of course to God), not further apart, as secular or pagan thinking would have it. We are able to love each other in an emotionally intimate way and in a sexually pure way, so as not to be deceived by the devil and his lies that “fulfilling the self-need brings freedom” – such a lie!

        Adultery is exactly that – a LIE! Fulfilling the insatiable lust, here today, gone tomorrow, leaves a person spiritually separated from God, crippled by lies and deceipt, and torn ultimately by the loss of a committed and faithful partner. THAT is NOT the freedom in life that Christ died to give us!

        Markus and I are doing fine. We are busily setting up our photography business and I am busy trying to continue in a “normal” daily routine – hard some days, easier others. God has blessed us immeasurably and we love Him dearly. Last night we watched a brilliant video about Israel, Islam and Armageddon – I highly recommend it. I will post is on my blog soon. (The link is below for you and your visitors).

        Much love,

      • Gina,

        Thanks once again. I love your testimony and I know He who began a good work in you, will bring it into completion! And I am happy for you that your business is catching up! Will keep you both in my prayers.

        Lots of love,


  7. hey, i liked reading your post… its heartbreaking and i think after my own experiences as well that the fact that it happens to a lot of people makes me kinda get all knotted up… i feel so sad about it that sometimes i end up loosing hope in other people. i know, not that great, but i guess Jesus helps to have hope in him coz his eyes dont stray from us. phew, that was actually a relief to say that. anyway, thanks for writing this…

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